Shortly after The Avengers came out in 2012, I gave up on keeping up with the MCU. I’d gotten overwhelmed by the sheer number, and frankly wasn’t interested enough to truly invest emotionally. I saw a couple after that, but sporadically and not when they first came out. The only film I was eager to see was Black Panther, and it was because of that, in fact, that I decided I should see Avengers: Infinity War. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to go back and watch all of the films (what are there, like 30?!), so I just jumped into Infinity War for fun. (Though I’d already found out some spoilers by accident. Thanks, internet.)
There are SPOILERS for Avengers: Infinity War in this post, and I’m about to make a fool of myself. There, now no one can be mad at me for ANYTHING I’m about to say! 😉
For reference, the MCU films I’ve seen are: Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Thor: Ragnarok, and Black Panther. So clearly, I don’t know A LOT.
In all my ignorance, Sunday night, I watched Infinity War. Here are 80 thoughts I had while doing so (with quite a plot twist of my own at number 75):
- Starfleet, are you gonna save the Asgardians? Wait…
- Well at least Loki is here to be enigmatic and pretty (for now).
- Thanos to Loki: “The Tesseract, or your brother’s head.”
Me: “Is this A Wrinkle in Time?”
- How DARE they kill Idris Elba?!
- Thanos is just an obsessed jewel collector, isn’t he?
- Loki, what is your motivation? I feel like I should have watched more in this universe. I might understand what he’s doing here. Oh… Well. I guess it doesn’t matter now since he’s dead. (Also how DARE they kill Tom Hiddleston?! Does Thanos just really hate British people?)
- Why does Cumberbatch sound SO NASALLY with an American accent? Ugh. (Ooh maybe he’s trying to survive this movie by pretending not to be British? Nice try man, but I got spoiled for that!)
- Is it called Infinity War because it’s TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG? That’s basically infinite.
- All right so… Doctor Strange is super dramatic. He’s just: “here, Stark, lemme make a giant tunnel of magic and teleport into this park to interrupt your conversation with your fiancée even though we don’t know each other.” Maybe I need to swallow my discomfort at his accent and watch his movie too if it’s like this!
- Gee I bet Thanos is going to get all six stones since YOU GUYS ARE DISCUSSING THE HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES IF HE DOES.
- Did Strange just… slap Stark with his cape? LOL. Wait I also realized this is Sherlock Holmes squared, and that makes it even better!
- Ohhh ok this is where knowledge of Civil War would come in handy. Oh well.
- Hey Spiderman! I need to see your movie too, bud. I promise I will.
- Aww Stan Lee—rest in peace.
- The aliens always go for New York… Also why is this ship shaped like a bike wheel?
- “Dude, you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards” is the best line in the world. Excuse me while I quote that forever.
- For a movie with a thousand cast members I’ve only seen, like, eight so far.
- This is why you should not have a magic system so reliant on moving your hands, Doctor Strange. This is why you’re getting beamed up by ugly Voldemort aliens. You have brought this upon yourself.
- Then again they can summon interdimensional Acme holes… Maybe I insulted this magic wrongfully…
- I’m actually rather invested. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d actually followed the MCU like most other humans.
- Why is Zoe Saldana always in space and/or an alien? This is weird typecasting.
- Is Drax hot for Thor? I love that. I love that a lot.
- Oh boy more Norse mythology references. Let’s see how inaccurate they are this time!
- Paul Bettany! If I call him Geoffrey Chaucer for the rest of this film instead of Vision, will it matter? Also he’s British so he’s probably gonna die, as that seems to be the trend.
- Is this Collector guy… Miracle Max? He looks like Miracle Max.
- Wait did Captain America just imply that Iron Man is earth’s best defender? Because… probably not??? There is Okoye??? How dare he disrespect???
- Hulk is me, not knowing what has been going on lol.
- Chaucer’s (Vision’s) mask is too expressive; it’s unnerving. Can’t he take it off when he’s not fighting?
- WAKANDA. FINALLY. AND T’CHALLA. I’M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW (I do know what happens to him but still)!
- This looks like acupuncture I want no part of.
- Is Strange’s cape… sentient? No thank you.
- Iron Man’s protectiveness of Spiderman is making me emotional!
- Sherlock Holmes says Sherlock Holmes isn’t really his friend, which is a very Sherlock Holmes thing to say.
- Cumberbatch, how dare you say you’d let Spiderman die if you had to? (Ooh I wonder if Spidey’s actor is British too? Hmm… *googles* WELL NO WONDER HE’S GOING TO DIE.)
- Did Zoe just say the soul stone is with… Boromir? What kind of crossover is this? Oh wait, no. She said Vormir. Never mind.
- Wait where IS Mjolnir? Why did I just notice its absence? Clearly I’ve missed or forgotten something. Did it happen in Ragnarok?
- Thor, it’s fine—you’re Australian not British, so you’ll get out of this.
- They’re telling me Thanos killed everyone except Eitri… but that’s not how he rolls, right? Isn’t he supposed to kill half? I am confusion AMERICA EXPLAIN.
- Every time they mention Titan, I think of Tighten from Megamind. Sadly I know that’s not what they mean.
- Oh. my. gosh. now Thor has a side quest in addition to the one Zoe and Thanos have?! How much plot have they forced into this?!
- I just said out loud, alone in this room, “Doctor Strange is so extra.” HE WAS LEVITATING AND SEEING THE FUTURE LIKE UMM OK SURE WHY NOT.
- This Dementor at Vormir… talks?! Oh no wait he looks like some Star Wars character. Am I supposed to know who he is? He looks familiar. But that could just be me confusing him with some villain from Star Wars…
- He’s gonna kill Zoe Saldana isn’t he? That seems harsh! … Ooh man it was.
- At this point I mostly just care about Spidey, Vision, and the Wakandans.
- Oooh I’d be all for Wakanda hosting the Olympics!
- SHURI YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MY GIRL!!!
- I want to rewatch Black Panther now. Or Wonder Woman. Or both. (Yes, I know she’s DC!)
- Thor: “That’s Nidavellir!”
*He points to a giant glowing planet thing made of metal rings*
Me: “Sounds fake, but ok.”
- I want the entire rest of this movie to be Okoye looking at everyone judgmentally.
- M’BAKU OH YES MY DUDE. HE CALLED T’CHALLA BROTHER AND NOW I’M EMOTIONAL.
- Ok I’m sorry but Okoye for president. Of, like, the world.
- Not that I’m worried about Thor surviving, but surely there’s a way to forge this axe that doesn’t involve a
humanAsgardian holding open the thing?
- GROOT IS SO CUTE. Also wow he just chopped off his own arm… ok.
- Alright Thor, I gotta say, that was an impressive entrance!
- Thanos you sure are taKING YOUR TIME GETTING AROUND TO YOUR WEIRDO GENOCIDE PLOT.
- Am I… supposed to laugh every single time Cumberbatch does anything with his magic? No? Oops. I can’t help it. It’s just so over the top. I mean, firstly, he has a SENTIENT CAPE.
- In regards to the action sequences: I’m making lots of typos and missing my bowl with my fork because I don’t want to miss anything.
- I want a movie with just Wanda, Okoye, and Natasha please and thanks.
- IF SHURI DIES I AM TURNING. OFF. NETFLIX!
- How many times is Vision going to be stabbed? Geez!
- “I’m sorry, I can’t remember anybody’s names.” SAME HERE SPIDEY SAME HERE!
- I’m still laughing at Doctor Strange. (I keep wanting to call him Jonathan Strange by accident, who honestly I’d love to see as a superhero.)
- Well I know Stark doesn’t die at the end of this movie because I saw the trailer for Endgame (also I don’t like calling him Tony because that makes me think of Tony the Tiger).
- Wait, what? The time stone was floating in some sort of between-state this whole time? STEPHEN EXPLAIN
- Iron Man: “Why would you [save me]?”
Doctor Strange: “We’re in the endgame now.”
Me: *knowing the title of the next film* “Booooo! No, the answer is ‘because I’m an idiot!’”
- All I want at this moment is for Vision/Chaucer to live, okay? I don’t know his fate like I know the fate of my other favorites!
- Welp. I said it. I challenged the universe. I said what I wanted. And what do I get? Dead Chaucer. Dang it.
- But why is Thanos so invested in this? Why does he care so much about killing half the universe that he’d kill the girl he decided was his daughter? Oh. I guess so Marvel can make movies/money.
- Captain America: “Where did [Thanos] go?”
Me: “To kill half of your friends.”
Me: “WAIT I DIDN’T MEAN IT I TAKE IT BACK I’M SORRY!”
- This is the section of the movie where the audience sat frozen in the theater screaming continually, isn’t it?
- Well, at least we still have M’Baku!
- Uuuuuggggghhhhh T’Challa noooooooooo (I knew it was coming but still uuuggghhh) and OKOYE’S REACTION IS THE WORST.
- GROOT TOO?!
- Doctor Strange: “Tony. There was no other way.”
Me: “Umm. Excuse me. What do you meAN BY THAT STEPHEN. COME BACK HERE. I KNEW ALL ALONG YOUR FAKE AMERICAN ACCENT WOULDN’T SAVE YOU BUT YOU COALESCE BACK FROM DUST RIGHT NOW AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF YOUNG MAN.”
- … My internet just inexplicably went out. At the worst, saddest moment of all. I was stuck staring at Peter Parker! holding onto Stark! while crying! That was a cruel trick, universe. Now, ten minutes later, I think my heart rate has returned mostly to normal, I’ve stopped yelling at technology, and the wifi’s back. Let’s continue.
- Wait Amy Pond is alive, but she’s British… Ohhh maybe only the English ones die?
- This is sad. I want no more of this.
- Oh it’s over. Now for probably an hour of credits, to accommodate all the cast’s names.
- Aww, Thanos got Samuel L. Jackson too?!
- I feel like I should know what that symbol means on the pager… but I don’t. Proper Marvel fans do, I’m sure.
So… that was mostly me screaming about and being super biased toward the Black Panther characters, mocking the “Norse” elements, and laughing at Doctor Strange. It was a lot of fun!
All right so overall thoughts. I think it says a lot for the writing of this that I wasn’t too confused, even though there were like four storylines happening at once, and considering this was built up from an entire pantheon of films, most of which I haven’t seen or only vaguely remember. Yet even I could follow this for the most part. I’m sure I missed references and whatnot but all in all, I was along for the ride.
And it was quite enjoyable. Some of the shock value was gone, as simply… existing, and having access to the internet meant I knew several people who “died.” However, I don’t think that totally ruined the viewing. I didn’t, after all, know any of the actual plot, the way the gauntlet worked, or the circumstances in which anyone died. (For the record, I knew about Spidey, T’Challa, Loki, the Guardians, and Doctor Strange.) So watching this and seeing them just dissolve away, as well as seeing their friends’ reactions, still hit me. I don’t even know most of them that well, and I was still sad!
This wasn’t as much of a “crossover” as I expected. I thought ALL the characters would be fighting the same battle in the same place. However, the way they did it, with clusters of characters meeting in different places, works a lot better than that would have. My idea would have just been too much.
In the end, watching this was definitely a good decision: I LIKE this movie! I probably won’t wait quite so long to watch Endgame now.
Overall rating: 8.5/10